Yeah, so how'd you spend your Saturday night?
So it starts off with me and my roommates just being super bored. All four of us are pretty much losers to one degree or another and all single so it was kind of depressing that we were going to spend a Saturday night in downtown Pittsburgh just staring at each other. So what else is there to do? I decided to go for a run.
The trail I usually go on is technically closed after dark, which is all the better since it's impossible to see anything on it anyways and it's kind of a shady area. Besides, how fun is it to run around with street lights and nightlife all around. I went to the Strip District which is kind of the livelier part of town on weekends since it has a bunch of clubs and stuff.
I'm running along. I see crowds of people behind velvet ropes. I see bros. I see all kinds of crazy sights. What I didn't see was the limo that I ended up on the hood on immediately after I crossed it's path.
I think I hit my head on it because I blacked out for a minute, but when I woke up the driver was standing over me looking all pissed off. That's when I heard the voice of an angel. An angel coming to my rescue. An angel who starred in Legally Blonde.
Reese, heh, I guess I can just call her Reese now, shows up from inside the limo and is telling the driver to back up off of me and that she knew this would happen (apparently he's a shitty driver). She asked me if I was alright which I knew it was, but I told her I wasn't sure just to see how things go. She looked really familiar and I thought that might be Reese Witherspoon, but I wasn't completely sure. Reese Witherspoon or not, either way she was a pretty cute girl coming to my rescue. I'm trying to think why the fuck would Reese Witherspoon be in godforsaken Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and as I thought about this I realized she was asking me questions or some shit.
"What's your name?"
"Greg."
"Oh, well, hi Greg. I'm so sorry about what happened. Do you live in the city?"
"Yeah. Well, yeah. I'm here for school."
"Oh that's nice. What are you studying?"
"Film making."
She just smiled and looked at me like I was supposed to add something. At this point I still didn't realize who she was. That's when I asked her questions she probably hadn't heard in years.
"Yeah, so what's your name?"
"Reese," she said laughing. I still wasn't putting two and two together. That's such a weird phrase, two and two together. Why did they pick two and two? Why not, "I wasn't putting one and seven together." or something like that. I always wonder how things like that start.
"Oh, well hi Reese. What do you do?" She laughed again and told me she was an actress. Finally the limo driver cuts in.
"Ms. Witherspoon, we really need to be going."
That's when it finally hit me. This was Reese Witherspoon. She told me she was looking to buy a house in the area (there actually are a bunch of resort type places around) and that her agent was doing somebody a favor and guaranteed that she would go to some certain club tonight. I just tell her whatever that's cool. I'm about to leave when she asks me what I'm doing tonight. Something like she felt so bad about what just happened (she really is a sweet girl).
Now don't get fuckin excited. I know she's one of the prettiest actresses in Hollywood as well as a lot older than me. I put my expectations in check real quick and hoped maybe at least I could grow a friendship out of tonight. We hit up the club. I'm still in fucking running clothes and this place is so upscale. She just bitched at the manager for a few seconds and he agreed to let me in. This whole time my head still kinds of hurt so I'm really not sure if this is real or what. We go back to the VIP where I assume I'm just going to sit there and drink until she's ready to go, but she actually pulls me out of my seat and we start dancing. It was pretty fun. This was kind of an upscale place like I said so it wasn't some crunk ass gangsta shit they were playing, but stuff that couples actually dance to. I never really danced like this before, but I managed to handle myself well since I have pretty good rhythm. I even dipped her at the end of one of the songs and we both laughed about how cliche it was. She said I was funny and tall. I guess that's all it takes.
We danced for a while, but then she decided it was time to roll out. She took me to this fancy restaurant I had never even heard of. How exclusive is this? There wasn't a sign on the door or anything. The building looked abandoned or something. I'm talking windows blacked out. Just an unmarked door and you open it up to find a 5 star restaurant. So sweet.
We eat and talk and I make her laugh the whole time. For the most part I think I'm still dreaming or something, but I'm just trying to have fun and laugh at the thought of my roommates back there doing nothing. We talked about how school was going for me. She told me a few stories. I told her some of mine. She laughed. I laughed. Awesome dinner.
We get back into the limo. I open the door for her to get into the backseat forgetting that that's the driver's job. My bad. I tell him where I live so he can take me home. I tell her I had an awesome time and she felt the same way. Then things got kind of weird. She puts her arm around me and says, "Yeah, you know, I've just never met a guy like you before."
"Um, okay." Seriously, how do you respond to that?
"Most guys recognize me right away and start going crazy. But not you. You're cool."
"Uh, thanks."
"You're just the perfect catch. Plus you can dance." I look ahead and see the driver take a wrong turn. He's going over one of the bridges. WTF? You don't need to cross a river to get to my place.
"Yeah. It's not hard I guess." I shrugged. I look over and notice her hand slip away from my drink. What was that about?
"Can you just take me home now. I don't really feel well," I said.
"Well you look VERY well," she said with a creepy wink.
"What?"
"Uh huh. Not too shabby."
"WHAT?"
"Uh, huh
Not too shabby
You're good around celebs, not too laughy
So you deserve a rapper and/or athlete
And/or something more than just a backseat
Action, I had more beats than I had rhymes
Now they say he got more girls than he got time
To spend with 'em
So I throw them all on the team
Only problem is, I see they all want a ring, ring
Let me tell you one ting
It's gonna take a lot to be down with the king, king
Down, down with the king
Now are you really ready for the big screen?
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